If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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