So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my shit smells like andre
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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