I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
is that a dick in a sweater?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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