My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
