What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
