I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A bitchslap is in order.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
