i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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