SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
