Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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