Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
