So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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