Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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