i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
