And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
