I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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