would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
