if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
