Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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