First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
