u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need a beard to bite.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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