Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
