It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
