My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
