Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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