He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
