I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
