you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
