I bet he comes in French.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
