Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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