You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
