She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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