On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
