Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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