$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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