she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
