I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
