He had one of those small greek statue penises
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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