Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
