The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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