Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
this is an emotional support booty call
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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