I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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