ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
