fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
