I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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