That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
