i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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