p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
