Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Enjoy the penises
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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