the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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