she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
