I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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