Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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