I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
