Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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