I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
