She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
