dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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