Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
