You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
