the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Randomize
