I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
