So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize