Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
