Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
