dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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