Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
