best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
