I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
