i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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