in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
