Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
