her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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