Don't you send me to vm
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
