she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
