I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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