is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
