Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
