I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
