I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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